


We're Doing Alright

by wooneye



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Choi Seungcheol, Choi Seungcheol Does His Best, M/M, education is mentioned a bunch, i guess coffeeshop au like barely, its all soft, mild self discovery, they're all soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 03:49:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12004389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooneye/pseuds/wooneye
Summary: It was Vernon who told him that he’d been unable to finish high school due to his parents and his mental health. Seungkwan chipped in, adding very recently that he’d been going to school to get his GED.It was Mingyu and Joshua who told him that Seungcheol probably had feelings for him.Jihoon, however, warned him that Seungcheol had classified himself as straight prior to now.





	We're Doing Alright

The straight friend.

That’s the nickname that Seungcheol had earned the day after Jihoon and Soonyoung finally got together after months of awkwardly dancing around each other. He’d been straight the whole time, granted, but it became glaringly obvious that he was probably the only heterosexual one in his group of friends. It was actually Chan who pointed it out, laughing and leaning over the central console in Seungcheol’s less than impressive car. He was still single, but Chan had some sort of air to him that lead Seungcheol to the conclusion that the baby of his friend group wouldn’t be alone for long. The observation only served to make Seungcheol’s day longer.

Thinking about it, it was kind of weird that all of his friends were in relationships with the same sex at the same time. He didn’t have a problem with it, but it just seemed to be a weird sort of situation he’d found himself in. He thought about this situation often, actually. He still remembers when Minghao came out, nervous in a way that the others didn’t recognize and weren’t ready for. He confessed his affections for Jun (whom he was apparently banging for at least a month prior) and they became the first couple in the group. Vernon and Seungkwan were next, but only because Vernon convinced Seungkwan that it’d be safe to make out in the living room twenty minutes before the others were set to come over. That led to Seokmin telling everyone while they were out Christmas shopping that he and Joshua had become a couple and that he only wanted to be addressed as “Joshua’s” or “Joshua’s boyfriend.” 

Mingyu and Wonwoo never actually said anything to the others about the status of their relationship, but Mingyu casually started referring to Wonwoo as his boyfriend like he’d been him dating for years. At this point in the group, it was really nothing new, and they took to this change as casually as it had been initiated. Finally, of course, the burning fireball that was Soonyoung was caught on Seokmin’s sneaky camera kissing Jihoon with the careful posture of someone holding a butterfly. He’d been so flustered when Seokmin mentioned it to a very interested Joshua, who found it so funny that Seungcheol remembers he was struggling to breathe. Seeing the two get together was a breath of fresh air though, seeing as their tension was worse than any of the other’s so far.

Seungcheol often reminded himself that he found their happiness was worth all of the struggle and pain he was now facing: having to cart all these love birds around and listen to them recount the love-filled looks they received or even the course of their sex lives. He himself had messed around a bit while in college with a few girls, but nothing more than that. He acted rather big though, according to Jihoon, who found his weird leadership complex endearing and a little tiring. He suggested that Seungcheol let his dear friends figure themselves out while he take time to actually look for someone. It wasn’t like he was getting any younger, of course. 

Seungcheol knew this, but he still wanted to be the support system his friends needed in their relationships. He didn’t mind being the straight single friend, even though he often wished he could relate just once so that his advice would make a little more sense and have more value. Not that he would tell any of them that, though.

It was Tuesday, which meant picking up Joshua from his Korean lessons and dropping him off at Soonyoung’s for their weekly dance practice. Joshua, unlike Chan and Vernon most times, actually paid him for the simple service of a ride, so he never minded when it took him a few more minutes than usual to come out to the place he’d parked his car. Fiddling with his aux chord, he changed the song from a hard rap song to something more Joshua just in case he needed the relaxing environment. He was a good student, but as he put it: “This language is so cursed I’m actually losing hair over these symbols, Cheollie.” 

_Tap, tap, tap!_

Seungcheol jumped a little at the sudden quick sound, spinning his body to see Joshua standing at the passenger side window, clad in a black jacket and thick books wrapped up his arms. He waved a little and Seungcheol leaned over the console, unlocking the stubborn old door and pushing it open gently. He ignored the knowing look that Joshua’s face had, mentally preparing himself for the guy’s inquisitive nature to ask him about the little scare he’d just received. 

“What’s up, Josh? How was class?” he asked, leaning back into his seat. Joshua’s face looked a little unsure for a moment, and then he looked sheepish. Leaning back a little, Joshua glanced to something behind Seungcheol’s car. He wanted something.

“It was alright,” Distracted. “I learned the same stuff as yesterday.” More nervous glances.

“That’s good, yeah? Nothing new to stress on, right?” Seungcheol asked, watching him closely. Joshua nodded a little. Then, he turned to him with his face set in a determined way. He was ready.

“Yeah, uh, you remember when I did your dishes last week? Well, I- “

“What do you need, Joshua?” he asked, cutting through the useless conversation. Joshua sighed.

“I told this guy I had a ride to Soonyoung’s place and he asked if he could join us. I guess he knows him? Or maybe he knew Jihoon… I can’t remember. Anyway, can he join us? My phone is dead so I couldn’t text you. I’m sorry.” He said, still looking back behind the car. He looked at Seungcheol, who shrugged. It wasn’t like he had anywhere to be. Today his only obligation was being Joshua’s ride, but it’s not like Josh needed to know that.

“Yeah, it’s okay. A little heads up next time though would be cool, but I get it.” He said, acting the cool and adult part, despite the fact that Joshua had been proven as the more adult of the two more times that he could count. Joshua nodded and slid in, finally closing the door. Winter was still a bit off, but the weather was calling for colder and colder days, and today was not an exception. Seungcheol offered his car charger to Joshua, who took it with a gracious bow of his head. 

Not two minutes after Joshua plugged his phone in, there was another less aggressive knock on the passenger window. Joshua made movements that indicated the person to sit in the back, and the guy (who Seungcheol hadn’t seen properly yet) moved to get in the back seat.

The guy opened the door and slid in his seat, making a heavy sort of sigh, and Seungcheol saw stars.

The guy was so, so, so beautiful it actually felt like a personal attack on Seungcheol but he had no idea why. The guy was bundled up in a long jacket and a fluffy white scarf, which made him look soft and cute. His face was built well, and he looked almost androgynous in his good looks. He was still manly though, in a strangely attractive way. _There goes the whole straight friend title_ , Seungcheol thought quickly. Joshua looked at his friend’s expression and almost instantly a little light bulb went off in his head. He grinned like a cat.

“Seungcheol, this is my classmate Jeonghan.” Joshua said warmly, gesturing toward the beautiful male who was now carefully buckled into his seat. Jeonghan waved a little, smiling softly.

“Jeon… Jeonghan?” he asked, as if in a daze. He shook his head. “Right, uh, nice to meet you. I’m Seungcheol.” Jeonghan laughed a little.

“I’m sorry to impose like this, but I need to see Jihoon to talk about some stuff, and you know, he’s always glued to that Soonyoung kid.” Jeonghan said with a laugh in his voice. Seungcheol nodded, waving his hand.

“I don’t mind, honestly. Consider me your chauffer for the moment. Where to, my sirs?” he asked in a funny voice. Joshua swatted him and Jeonghan smiled widely, leaning forward.

“Take me to our dear lovebirds, Seungcheollie!” he said lightly, and Seungcheol gladly complied.

___

 

“So, Jeonghan hmm?” asked Joshua the second they were alone once more. Jeonghan had been making funny jokes the entire time, messing with the two of them like they’d been friends for years. He was still a little reserved, but Seungcheol’s heart hadn’t been through that much of an emotional rollercoaster in a while. Seungcheol gently swatted Joshua.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Josh.” He said, shaking his head. Joshua only shrugged.

“He seems like your type. Playful. Handsome.” Said Joshua and Seungcheol rolled his eyes.

“Handsome? While I admit yes, he’s handsome, you’re making it sound like I’m into that or something. I’m into pretty girls.” He said, trying to make it sound firm. To his disappointment however, it almost sounded like he was trying to justify it to himself. Joshua’s smirk only made him more frustrated. 

“Sure, leader.” He said and Seungcheol walked off, waving without looking.

 

___

 

It had been three whole months since that faithful car ride, and Seungcheol was finally having his crisis. Jeonghan was _perfect_. He had literally never met anyone as constantly beautiful and funny as him, plus he was also cuddly and sneaky, two traits that he found very endearing and frankly, too much for his heart. He was smart and warm, yet cutting and icy when he felt the mood. Seungcheol found his affections and conversations to be the most important events during the day and it only continued to infuriate him. To himself, his angry emotions were quite justified.

One, he just kicked the door right open and walked into his life like he owned it. Two, he was beautiful to the point where it was just too damn hard to even make a fair justification for the level of attraction he felt when he looked at Jeonghan. Three, the traits the guy had just made him amazing, and if he’s going to be honest, how can anyone be unfazed by that? Was Seungcheol just supposed to ignore the fact that he was current good friends with a goddamn angel?

Good friends. Seungcheol ran his hands down his face.

He knew it was stupid to have his crisis now, years after his friends all had theirs. He was once told by a slightly inebriated Soonyoung: “You’re just a late bloomer, hyung. You’ll see.” Sure, right, late bloomer and whatever but how was he supposed to foresee this? He curled up in his bed, looking at his hands and he felt a sudden ache in his chest. He wanted to hold Jeonghan. He wanted to wrap himself around the man and kiss the gentle area behind his ear. He wanted to run his hands though his soft hair and kiss his smirk right off his face. God, he just wanted to undo him so badly.

To add to the stress of his new confusing affections, he’d also taken up online classes for school. He’d dropped out of the last year of school because he just didn’t care (his parents didn’t care either, and that only fueled him to leave his old life in the past). However, he’d recently overheard a conversation between Jeonghan and Jihoon. Hannie was being his usual self, but suddenly became serious when Jihoon asked about how his classes were going. He was a very laid back sort of guy, but education seemed to really matter to him. Seungcheol reasoned to himself that if he already didn’t have a chance with the angel, he _really_ wouldn’t if he caught wind that he was just another dumbass who didn’t even finish his high school education.

He’d only told Wonwoo about this, who in turn told Mingyu. The two were pretty good about keeping it between themselves, but even then it still stressed him out a lot. Wonwoo hadn’t met Jeonghan yet and Mingyu seemed to only have fuzzy memories of the man, so logically Seungcheol knew he didn’t have much to worry about, but still. He wasn’t really the man Hannie would need, but if he could at least patch himself up enough to come across like he was, it might just be enough.

His new schedule commanded him around more than his previous lazy life of driving around his friends, and he found that he just didn’t have time anymore. He felt good, finally getting his life back up and running, but also he knew he was working himself up far more than he was ready for. His friends noticed his snappy behavior and his sudden reclusive activity, but figured it was just a momentary rough patch. After all, it was Seungcheol. He was a rock in the steady and busy stream of life. He’d figure it out.

 

_____

 

At least, until he couldn’t. 

It was now five months since he’d met Jeonghan, but he felt as if he didn’t know Hannie any longer. He’d been overworked with school and now a new job to help his finances, not to mention his ugly little secret was now coming out again and he felt the burn. He hadn’t seen of his friends for five days now, and while he had good reasons, he felt as if he was running out of energy. He missed his friends. He missed the hazy days he once lived. He missed Jeonghan. 

He fell asleep in a public space (again) and started walking home late (again), working his ways though the confusing streets of his town like a drunkard. He might as well have been drunk. He certainly felt as if his head wasn’t on right at the moment. His anxiety, which hadn’t bothered him badly since he left school, was now making it hard to breathe. He had medication, he’d always had it, but in the last year he’d only taken it when he knew he’d needed it. Jihoon knew of them (and he suspected Soonyoung knew now too) and he was often the one who bullied him into taking them, but lately he didn’t have anyone one around to remind him. He started taking them again a few weeks after he started school again, and to his merit, he kept them up pretty well.

Mornings became messy and he couldn’t focus well anymore. He was dizzy sometimes and on particularly bad days, he was sick to his stomach. Angry, he gave them up, reasoning in his head that he didn’t even need them anyway; that he was spending too much on something useless. He threw them out and went back to his work, forcing himself to breathe. For a moment, things seemed alright.

Then, his anxiety came back to bite him.

He suddenly felt the seize of his breath and like a belt had been tied around his throat, he couldn’t breathe. God, everything was a mess. Jeonghan inspired him to actually become something and try once more, but he just couldn’t do it. He was failure, a mess, a jittery fucked up mistake and it was all too fast and too much, fuck. He failed school, he failed friendship, he failed family and now he couldn’t even walk home due to his own head. He clenched his fists tight enough to draw blood. God, he was so angry and _stressed_ what the fuck. He lived the way he did because it was all he could do. He’d only ever been the guy with free time, who was only laid back because unlike his other talented and beautiful friends, he was unable to be anything more. He worked himself though the anxiety attack, planted firmly in the middle of the sidewalk, shaky and panting. Jesus, he hated himself right now. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, covering his face with his sleeve covered hands. 

“Seungcheol?”

Oh _fuck me_ , he thought sharply. He took a breath, anxiety ramping back up once more as he tried desperately to make himself look at least a little normal. He stood up, knees weak, and wiped at his teary eyes harshly, trying to work his face into something like a lazy smile. He turned to face the source of the voice, only to be met with a spike of anxiety so cold it knocked the breath out of him. The voice belonged to none other than a concerned looking Jeonghan, who was in his pajamas, armed with a sack from the convenience store on the corner. His eyes were wide and he looked so soft in the orange street light. Seungcheol wanted the sidewalk to swallow him whole.

“H-Hannie?” he managed, voice strange. He probably looked like a hot mess right now, with his unstyled hair and dirty work uniform, not to mention the teary look he was wearing at the moment. Jeonghan stepped forward and he instinctively took a step backward, almost like a flinch. Jeonghan’s flabbergasted look faded into something like understanding. Maybe it was pity.

“Where have you been, Cheollie? We were all worried you’d run away or something,” he said, stepping forward again. Seungcheol opened his mouth, but Jeonghan kept talking, “Are you okay?”

He thought about lying. He considered protecting the others, like he normally would. He knew that I’d be easy, avoiding the others until he wasn’t a mess any longer. But when would that be? Would he accidentally destroy the good life he’d had just because he wanted to shoulder it all? Jihoon would be so mad, he knew it. He couldn’t imagine the look on Minghao’s face. He felt his anxiety resume it’s choke hold, and he looked down at his feet angrily. He wasn’t okay. He didn’t even know how to be okay and be someone worth looking at.

Suddenly Jeonghan was there. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling the very wound up Seungcheol into his warm chest. At first, Seungcheol stiffened- he wasn’t usually one for that sort of affection when his anxiety was tearing him up- but then he melted into him. He took a deep breath and shuddered uncontrollably, turning his face towards Jeonghan’s neck. He felt his tears fall and he bit back his sobs, hugging Hannie close. He tried to keep it in, he really did, but when Jeonghan started petting his hair he knew it was a lot cause. He started with a tiny noise, but then the flood gates broke open and he sobbed into Jeonghan’s shoulder heavily, clinging to him harshly.   
They stayed that way, on the street, with Jeonghan gently petting his hair and holding him close, for what seemed like a good half hour. Finally, Seungcheol’s cries became hiccupped and tired, leaving him half asleep in Jeonghan’s arms. He pulled away and wiped at his eyes tiredly, mumbling apologizes for Jeonghan’s wet shirt and his break down. Jeonghan shushed him and held his arms with a sudden firmness, leaning down a little so he could be caught in Seungcheol’s downcast line of sight.

“Seungcheol, are you alone? No, you’re not. Please don’t act like it. You’ll always have me and the others, you know,” he said, pulling him back into a warm hug. “I miss you, Seungcheol. You can tell us if you’re having troubles.”

Seungcheol closed his eyes, swallowing his worries for the moment to take in his warmth. He hated that he needed this, but he couldn’t fight the want in his heart. Mumbling, he thanked Hannie over and over, clutching him tightly. He was so tired and needy, he knew it. He wanted to hold Jeonghan like this for hours, just the two of them. He knew that this moment couldn’t last forever, but god did he want it to.

 

_____

 

Seungcheol closed his eyes. It was a few weeks since his big emotional melt down on Jeonghan, and Hannie had become relentless in his need to care for Seungcheol. In the time he’d been distanced from his friends, Jeonghan squeezed his way into his friend group. Joshua told him over a phone call that Hannie was like a mother to the group, and in a weird way they all felt that he was their dad, making them all one big happy family. Granted, Joshua laughed loudly when Seungcheol told him off, talking in English to Vernon about something regarding the leader’s funny reaction. 

Jihoon told him over morning coffee that he was amazed by Jeonghan’s cunning way of thinking, and reminded him that he wouldn’t deal with anything to do with his love life. However, when Seungcheol mentioned the past midnight text conversations he’s sure Soonyoung would love to see of when Jihoon was still pining for him, Jihoon shut up. They both knew that if he’d ever saw them, they’d never hear the end of “oh my god that’s so cute I’m going to die!” The thought was good though- he missed his friends badly. His anxiety was still burning the pit of his stomach and his veins every moment, but it was easier with his friends back in his life regularly. He was still busy with school and his job, but he knew at least for sure he’d have them to count on.

It was nice to feel cared for again.

He told Seungkwan about his schooling choice one evening, and the second the words came out of his mouth he winced. He loved the kid, he really did, but damn did he not know when to keep it shut. He was very supportive of his hyung’s choice, saying over and over again that it was good that he wanted to do something like that for himself. He’d called Vernon within the hour- texting his group chat with the “vocals” within the night- telling them all about their good friend Seungcheol’s decision. Seungcheol knew mentally, as he went home that evening, that Jeonghan would want to talk.

Jeonghan showed up to his work dressed in a pink sweater and white wash jeans, a look that he’d overheard him discussing with Jun a few days before. He was holding a plastic sack and he looked warm, like he’d had a very good day and nothing could touch him. Seungcheol smiled- he loved when Hannie looked this way. For a moment, the thick cloud of anxiety that threatened to swallow Seungcheol cleared up for a moment, and he let himself cherish the moment with thoughts of holding Jeonghan close. The thoughts of what Jeonghan might think of him having to get his GED came rushing back fast however, and he blinked hard, looking away and resuming his current customer’s order. Everyone but him already knew what a failure he was when it came to schooling, so their reactions only served to boost his confidence in school, but Hannie was different. He didn’t know that Seungcheol was a lazy mess-up; he didn’t know that Seungcheol hadn’t even managed to finish his schooling.

“Hyung?” came Chan’s voice from his left. “Are you done? I have Jeonghan’s order for you.” 

The kid’s voice brought him back to the moment sharply and he nodded, smiling and accepting the order. Chan smiled back and took the finished coffee (yes, he was a barista, as stereotypical as that seemed) to the customer. He thought strongly of how thankful he was for Chan, seeing as the kid worked hard to help him get this job in the first place. He quickly made Hannie’s iced Americano, drawing a little heart on it next to his name, hoping that he’d think it was just Chan messing with him and not him. 

He handed it to Jeonghan, who was still smiling that beautiful carefree smile. He smiled back, hoping his pained look earlier would be forgotten.

“I’ll see you tonight?” he asked. He asked it like a question, but Seungcheol knew it was a statement.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll bring something home- I only have noodle bowls.” He admitted sheepishly. Jeonghan made a face and sipped his coffee.

“What? No, I’ll bring something. Whatever you bring will be weird.” He said and Seungcheol laughed, half because it was true and half because he was nervous. He knew that Hannie was worried about his financial situation again. Jeonghan smiled.

“Hyung!” called Chan, and Seungcheol threw Jeonghan a pleading look that Hannie only waved off. He waved goodbye and Seungcheol turned back to his job before Chan could get after him again. 

Jeonghan showed up a half hour after Seungcheol got off, making his way into the small apartment with the spare key under the doormat. He bought meat- he knew that his Cheollie loved meat almost as much as he loved the kids. Possibly more. He laughed to himself at the thought of how excited he’d be when he caught sight of the beef that Jeonghan had. He knew that life hadn’t been particularly kind to the man as of recently, and he remembered with a jolt the very beaten down look he’d seen on his face the day he cried on his shoulder.

He’d just been out to get more milk (and hair dye- he’d been blond for too long) when he’d come across the very distressed sounding Seungcheol, using the wall to stay upright. He hadn’t seen or really heard from the man for almost a week and naturally he’d begun to get really worried- and he wasn’t normally the worrier type. The sight stabbed him with fear and he stepped forward, taking in the man’s situation before reacting. The signs suddenly made him recall something from his past- _was Cheollie having a panic attack?_

After that, Jeonghan made sure to watch him closely, from his weird manic activity to his finances. He’d discovered, from observation and from the new friends he’d made, that Seungcheol was not in the best situation almost all the way around. It was no surprise that he was stressed- he was pulling himself back off the ground level; from nothing. He’d heard from Wonwoo that he was low on money often, and that he’d lived with each of them at least once. Soonyoung talked about how good he was to them, trying to lead them in the right direction despite being in a mess himself.

It was Vernon who told him that he’d been unable to finish high school due to his parents and his mental health. Seungkwan chipped in, adding very recently that he’d been going to school to get his GED. 

It was Mingyu and Joshua who told him that he probably had feelings for him. 

Jihoon, however, warned him that Seungcheol had classified himself as straight prior to now.

The information he’d gathered only made him more and more curious about the man that was Choi Seungcheol. He’d been hooked by him the moment they’d met- the day he’d begged Joshua for a ride to Soonyoung’s to meet with Jihoon. He’d never felt this strongly about someone before, even though he’d been with more people than he likes to admit. Something about the way he seems to be so collected despite being a mess, the way he smiled nervously, the way he hugs warm and yet gentle. Maybe it was his pretty lips or his soft skin, or maybe the way he cared so deeply yet silently for the others? He smiled to himself as he started cooking the meat, waiting for him to come home.

Jeonghan knew he wasn’t the best knife in the drawer- he was too much and not enough all at once. He usually played the role that equaled getting he wanted, seeing as he liked to win. He came across as careless sometimes, being too mean or cutting on accident and not knowing how to best apologize. He knew people assumed he just didn’t care, that he’d just move on and fall asleep like it was nothing. He frowned. He wanted to be different, for Seungcheol.

He wanted to hold him again, to tell him it’d be okay like he did that one night. He wanted to sleep in his arms and make sure he ate right all the time. He wanted to hold his strong looking hands and kiss those pretty lips. He wanted to do all the sappy stuff he’d laughed about in the past and it made him so frustrated. How could this messy man drive him so far into love territory that he was starting to forget himself? The sassy Hannie who didn’t want to mess with love because it was dangerous?

His mind was so occupied he didn’t even hear the front door click open, letting in a slightly damp Seungcheol. He blinked owlishly, taking in and processing the bright lights of his apartment. 

“Hello?” he called, voice tense. Jeonghan jumped and he laughed loudly, running to see Seungcheol.

“Hello, Cheollie! Did I scare you? I’m making dinner.” He said, waving. Seungcheol visibly relaxed and he smiled. He set his stuff down and stripped off the damp clothes he was wearing. He came into the kitchen in his black sweater, smiling widely at Jeonghan, who was pulling the meat off of the stove. The view was beautiful to Seungcheol- Hannie smiling warmly at him, looking as if he’d been doing this for years. He still refused to think about what he was feeling deeply, knowing that he’d need awhile to fully understand it, but for now he let himself blindly enjoy it. 

“Is that meat? You got us meat?” he asked, eyes widening. Jeonghan laughed (Seungcheol’s heart may or might not have skipped) and brought up a piece for him to eat. He took the bite right from Jeonghan’s hand, chewing and then jumping a little. God, he’d missed the taste of freshly cooked meat. Hannie turned away, working the meat onto two separate plates, willing his blush to die and go away. He wasn’t usually one to feel school girl emotions, since he was usually the commanding force. This was different- this was nice. This was too precious.

They ate their dinner together, making good pleasant conversation. Seungcheol sorely missed moments like this and wanted to hold Hannie so badly it was driving him a little crazy. The mood was right- Jeonghan was peaceful and a little touchy, looking at him with that pleased grin he used when he felt comfortable and open. Is this how Jihoon feels when he looks at Soonyoung? Is this what Seokmin always chatters about when he’s talking about Joshua? The little lift in his hopes, the anxiety that isn’t burning but rather is lighting him up? His thoughts suddenly clear when Jeonghan clears his throat, looking like he’s about to ask something serious.

“Cheollie, I want you to know I’m actually pretty impressed by you. I can’t imagine how much stress there is in going back to school plus working a job.” He said, voice a little gentler that he would have normally been. Seungcheol suddenly feels his heart drop into his stomach. Oh right.

Jeonghan senses danger and offers a little laugh. Seungcheol burns holes into his empty plate, clearly thinking about nothing food related.

“I’ll be alright.” He finally offers and Jeonghan feels like a dumbass.

“Hey, I’m serious here you dummy.” He said and then mentally slaps himself. _Jesus Christ_ , he thinks angrily, _anymore stabs to him and you’re never gonna see him again._

Seungcheol tries to hide his flinch, smiling toward his plate softly. _Right._

“It’s okay, Jeonghan. I should have gotten it done while it was easier, and now I’ve just gotta get it done. The stress is my fault. If I’d just done it like normal, I wouldn’t be here right now.” He says, getting up and clearing the table. Jeonghan wanted to slap himself for putting that sad look on his face.

“Cheollie, I’m- I don’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m happy you’re doing this.” He says, and Seungcheol offers him a stale smile before he takes the dishes back to the kitchen. Jeonghan feels himself sink into his chair before he shakes his head. No, he can’t let this fester. 

He steps into the kitchen to see Seungcheol gripping the edge of the sink, hands pale from the tight grip he’s using. He takes a shaky breath and bows his head, fighting angry tears. Jeonghan steps toward him, tentatively setting his hand between Seungcheol’s shoulder blades. Seungcheol tenses for a moment, and takes a deep breath, shaking his head a little. Jeonghan slides next to him and rubs his back a little.

“Cheollie?” he asked, voice soft. Seungcheol wiped furiously at his eyes, not looking at Jeonghan.

“I’m sorry, Hannie. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I just- I- “his voice caught in his throat and he breathed in heavily, voice laden with tears. Jeonghan nodded, still rubbing his back. “I wanted to keep it a secret. The school thing. I didn’t want you to know that I’m uh, I’m a failure.”

Jeonghan made a noise that sounded annoyed and betrayed. Seungcheol dared a glance and saw a saddened but determined Jeonghan.

“I don’t think so. You left without finishing, but so what? You’re back at it, and that’s more than anyone could ask of you.” He said in his mothering voice he used so often on the others. Seungcheol sniffed, his anxiety still burning but his attention was wrapped tightly around Hannie. “I think you’re strong and hardworking, Cheollie.”

“I’m not.” He pleaded and Jeonghan signed out, pulling him into a hug. He felt safe and warm and Seungcheol felt like a trespasser. He felt the tears fall again but he was so mad- he needed to stop putting Jeonghan in this position. He moved to push away, but Jeonghan only pulled him closer.

“You’re not a failure, Seungcheol. You’re not a failure.” He repeated, trying to beat the words into him in a weak attempt to get him to listen. Jeonghan knew that this wouldn’t work- he knew that this would bother Seungcheol for quite a while. He tried still, feeling almost desperate in his attempts. Was this why he was so distant sometimes? He didn’t want to disappoint him?

He repeated it over and over again, refusing to let Seungcheol wiggle free. He did until Cheollie’s sniffles faded and his breathing evened out. Finally, Jeonghan pulled away just enough to look into the puffy eyes of Choi Seungcheol, feeling affection like never before.

“I’m sorry, Hannie.” He murmured and Jeonghan shook his head.

“No need for that. If anything, I’m sorry for making you feel like that way.” He offered. He wasn’t good at this stuff. He hoped that sounded sincere.

“No, you motivated me to actually do something with my life. Thank you, Jeonghan.” He said, voice still soft. “You saved me the other night- I never thank you properly for that either. You’re an angel, Yoon Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan felt his heart flutter sound his ribcage rabidly. He wasn’t allowed to do that to him without warning, that man. He slid his hands up to cup Seungcheol’s face, looking at him closely. There was a moment of eye contact that knocked the breath out of Hannie- the gaze was so warm and affection-filled he didn’t know how to handle it. Cheollie’s eyes carefully shifted down toward his lips and that was when he moved.

The kiss wasn’t sexy or deep, like the ones Jeonghan was used to receiving. No one told him he looked damn good that night, no one asked him to kiss them harder and faster, no one pulled his hair in an attempt to angle his mouth different. This kiss was sweet- warm like Seungcheol’s hoodies. There was no tongue, nothing dirty, no sly hand playing with his waistband. Only Seungcheol and his tenderness, his quiet ask for permission and Jeonghan’s granted access. They kissed for a few moments, and then Seungcheol pulled away, looking breathless despite the fact that the kiss held no sexual heat.

His wide eyes made Jeonghan laugh a little, a quiet little giggle that felt like a secret between the two of them. Seungcheol’s face broke out into a shy smile, a look that Jeonghan mentally took a picture of. 

“I’ve never kissed any boys before, you know.” He said after a few moments. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for months.”

“Me too. I’ve kissed boys before though. I win.” Jeonghan says, feeling light. Seungcheol laughs brightly and looks at him like he’s looking at a Christmas present. Hannie believes he can get used to this.

 

____

 

Seungcheol gets his GED finally and almost cries, which Jeonghan finds terribly endearing a little funny. He loves when his boyfriend is soft. Jeonghan insists that they have to move in with each other after four months of seriously dating, and Seungcheol happily agrees. The two lovebirds are, as Jihoon puts it, a million times worse that Seokmin and Seungkwan put together. Joshua finds the fact they really did get together a sign that he was truly meant for match making. Vernon and Chan both finds the two kind of sweet in a weird parental way.

Jeonghan doesn’t care. He has his Seungcheol now, and they’re doing alright.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first kpop fic! I'm p new to it, i apologize if they're written all over the place. this was only supposed to be like 1k idk where the rest came from


End file.
